Imagine trying to explain 2016 to 2006

2016: hey 2006
2016: check this out
2006: What am I looking at? I don’t know what any of those words mean.
2016: right, breitbart doesnt exist yet
2006: He’s one of those Washington Times guys, right?
2016: he was
2016: then he launched his own news network
2016: wanted to make it the “huffington post of the right”
2006: A print edition of Fox News for the old conservative types, or…?
2016: lmao
2016: no
2016: its p popular with the internet kids
2006: What?
2016: hoooooo boy
2016: well
2016: gamergate happened
2006: Gamergate?
2016: some girl from somethingawful made a text adventure game
2006: The Photoshop forum?
2016: yeah that one
2016: the regs all converted to communism
2006: What.
2006: You’re kidding.
2016: nope
2016: they went communist
2016: and some of them got jobs with like gawker and buzzfeed
2006: …Gawker and Buzzfeed? I’ve never heard of Buzzfeed. Is it another gossip rag?
2016: no neither of them are now
2016: gawker was a huge commie outlet for a while
2016: then hulk hogan sued them
2016: and theyre pivoting hard
2006: OK dude you’re trolling.
2006: Hulk Hogan sued Gawker?
2016: yeah they published his sex tape
2006: Um.
2006: Ew.
2016: lol
2016: anyway everyone hates gawker now
2016: but theyre trying to get into the conservative circuit
2016: had a big story a few days ago about facebook censoring conservative news from its trending feed
2006: Its trending feed?
2016: loads of people get their news from facebook now
2016: or from comedy shows
2006: Oh god.
2016: anyway
2016: buzzfeed does Serious Journalism sometimes
2016: but mostly it fishes for clicks on facebook and twitter
2006: …Twitter? The group SMS site?
2016: lmaoooo
2016: twitter is huge now
2016: people get fired over twitter fights
2006: Um, can we fork the timeline now?
2016: nope
2016: welcome to the future
2016: its coming for you
2016: anyway
2016: buzzfeed
2016: founded by jonah peretti
2016: academic radical
2016: wrote an article about deleuze and advertising in late capitalism
2016: here
2016: “My central contention is that late capitalism not only accelerates the flow of capital, but also accelerates the rate at which subjects assume identities. Identity formation is inextricably linked to the urge to consume, and therefore the acceleration of capitalism necessitates an increase in the rate at which individuals assume and shed identities. The internet is one of many late capitalist phenomena that allow for more flexible, rapid, and profitable mechanisms of identity formation.”
2016: “In many respects the media culture of the late twentieth century simulates schizoid experience. The rapid fire succession of signifiers in MTV style media erodes the viewers sense of temporal continuity. To use the same words that Jameson uses to describe schizophrenic experiences, the images that flash across the MTV viewers’ retina are “isolated, disconnected, discontinuous material signifiers which fail to link up into a coherent sequence.””
2016: “In order for an advertisement in GQ to be successful, it must provoke an ego formation that makes the product integral to the viewer’s identity. This fragile ego formation must persist long enough for the GQreader to purchase the product.”
2016: he decided to do that
2016: as a career
2016: now
2016: gamergate
2016: girl from somethingawful makes a text adventure
2016: about depression
2016: cheats on her boyfriend with some video game journalists or something
2016: honestly i didnt pay much attention to that
2016: its what everyone got mad about but its not relevant
2016: what happened was
2016: she hella manipulated him
2016: threatened to kill herself whenever he started to suspect shed done anything wrong
2016: tried to cut him off from his friends
2016: idk if yall have the term “emotional abuse” yet
2016: but she did some Bad Shit
2016: and the way people deal with people doing Bad Shit these days is
2016: they write a callout post
2016: detailing in public all the Bad Shit whoever it is has done
2006: No.
2006: Nononono that is not how to–
2016: it is now
2016: welcome to hell!!!! (^:
2006: I mean.
2006: How are people ever supposed to improve or redeem themselves?
2006: Wouldn’t that just lead to a huge mob of people getting mad at… well, probably everyone involved? And trying to get people fired or whatever it is you people do in the future? And what happens if one person has more social power than another?
2016: p much
2016: it blew up
2016: guy posted it on somethingawful
2016: as one does
2016: it got deleted
2016: so he went public
2016: threw it on wordpress
2016: and it blew up
2016: into a Cultural Event
2016: a lot of people were already mad at the journalists
2016: like i said, they went commie
2016: journalists closed ranks
2016: breitbart jumped in on the other side
2016: as they would, being a hard right mag
2016: so theyre popular now
2016: especially the guy who wrote that article
2016: milo yiagjfkafaslg
2006: Yiannopoulos?
2016: yeah
2016: hes b a celebrity now
2016: he jumped on the gamergate thing hard
2016: and endorsed trump
2006: Um.
2006: Trump?
2016: donald trump
2006: The wrestling guy? Are people interested in pro wrestling now?
2016: well sort of
2016: but
2016: hes running for president
2006: No.
2006: This is a joke. You’re joking.
2016: donald trump
2016: is running for president
2016: hes the ~scary far right~ candidate
2006: Sorry, no.
2006: That can’t be happening.
2006: First of all, Donald Trump is running for president?
2016: 1955 said the same thing about reagan dude
2006: Second, Donald Trump, far-right?
2006: How badly did he lose?
2016: well we havent had the general yet
2016: but
2016: he won the primary
2016: yep
2016: but that article
2016: you know wendy carlos right
2006: I do.
2016: yeah that
2016: the supreme court had their gay marriage decision
2006: Seriously? Gay marriage will be banned in ten years?
2016: no it won
2006: What.
2016: anyway
2016: wendy carlos
2016: or uh
2016: dude who went to norway in the ’50s and came back a chick
2016: gay marriage won, they needed a new cause to get all het up about
2016: its that
2006: What happened to abolishing gender roles? Queering it and so on? That’s what all the radicals are about these days…
2016: thats completely dead lol
2016: btw bruce jenner is caitlyn now
2016: so the background there is
2016: the transgender rights thing is ofc coded far left
2016: but
2016: lot of people in a group
2016: lot of different politics
2016: like the log cabin republicans
2016: or yiannopoulos, hes gay
2006: The hard right guy?
2016: one and the same
2006: ……..
2016: so there was a bathroom bill
2016: in north carolina
2016: state government institutions cant have mixed-sex bathrooms, locker rooms, etc.
2016: and have to mandate that people use the one corresponding to what’s on their birth certificate
2016: this of course is a Big Thing
2016: and donald trump
2006: Came out strongly in favor of it, since you said he’s the scary far-right candidate, but some, uh…
2016: “trans people” is what youre supposed to say i think
2016: not actually sure
2016: there was a fight on tumblr a while back about whether there should be an asterisk after “trans”
2006: Tumblr?
2016: livejournal
2006: –support his economic platform?
2016: no actually
2016: he opposed it
2006: What?
2006: This doesn’t make any sense. The crazy ultra-right-wing candidate…
2006: …Donald Trump…
2006: …who won the primary…
2006: Stop the future, I want to get off.
2016: 😉
2006: Get out.
2016: u mean
2016: go to church lol
2006: Ew. No.
2016: mm yep
2016: traditionalist catholicism is cool now
2016: kinda
2016: the commies and the nrx people think its cool
2016: and some of the rationalists or w/e
2006: Nrx? Rationalists?
2016: lmao
2016: dont ask


8 responses to “Imagine trying to explain 2016 to 2006

  1. pithom May 17, 2016 at 12:52 am

    You forgot the Syrian Civil War and the death of Gaddafi. Otherwise, good.

  2. Ashley Yakeley May 17, 2016 at 2:38 am

    This is awesome.

  3. Frog Do May 17, 2016 at 3:36 am

    The completely anonymous anime shitposting imageboard going pleb fascist and the pricey shitposting forum going patrish commie still sort of surprises me.

  4. Pingback: Imagine trying to explain 2016 to 2006 | Reaction Times

  5. Zimriel May 20, 2016 at 10:44 pm

    Could you offset the 2016 from 2006 comments, or discolour one or the other? Laid out like this it’s hard to track who’s saying what.

  6. Gregory Wood May 27, 2016 at 2:00 pm

    Why does 2016 write in all lower case? Is he a goon? And do commies think trad catholicism is cool? Not last I checked.

  7. 2017 July 28, 2017 at 12:33 am

    @gregory wood
    it’s basically in the water at this point
    and you have to do it or people will think you’re earnest and therefore unconsidered/retarded
    oh also copypasta is dead aside from, like, catchphrases

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